Selena Gomez discussed her mental health journey in her new documentary, “Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me,” which debuted on Friday on Apple TV+.
The video, which was shot over several years, begins with footage of the young singer during rehearsals for her 2016 “Revival” tour.
During clothing fittings, Gomez openly struggled with her reflection and made fun of her body, remarking, “If I were a male singer, I could wear pants, a different T-shirt, and a beanie, and no one would notice.”
“I want to have the physique to wear it with pride. I desire the booty that I do not possess. While watching a video of herself onstage, she observed, “My body is really young. I’m making sure I seem like a woman and not a 12-year-old boy.””
After Gomez completed her final dress rehearsal, she wept and stressed over her performance skills.
“Everything just stinks. It looks awful. I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing “She told Raquelle Stevens, her buddy. “Therefore, I hear a voice in my head saying, “You missed this, that sucked, that sucked” Oh, you get a peek of yourself on the television and exclaim, “Wow, you look pretty fucked up.””
She continued, “I do not want to perform because it drains my energy.” “The pressure is overwhelming because I want to perform my best and I am capable of doing so.”
Selena Gomez performs in Chicago, Illinois, during her 2016 “Revival” tour.
Daniel Boczarski/Getty Images
Gomez continued to be concerned that she was upsetting John Janick, the chairman and CEO of Gomez’s record label Interscope Geffen A&M Records, since she didn’t want him to think “he signed some f*cking Disney kid.”
Gomez claimed in the same scenario that Janick had contacted her earlier that day to discuss “the song with Justin,” presumably her ex-boyfriend Justin Bieber. (No such album has ever been issued.)
“When will I finally be good enough to be on my own? When will I be able to function well on my own, without the need for association with others?” Gomez stated.
She also questioned whether the show was too “young,” saying, “I would do anything to escape my past, but it returns.”
After 55 performances, the “Revival” tour was eventually canceled. Gomez told People at the time that she was experiencing “anxiety, panic attacks, and despair” as a result of her Lupus diagnosis. Shortly thereafter, Gomez entered an institution for mental health therapy.
“I was ailing. Actually, that is the only solution “In a recent interview with Vulture, Gomez reflected on the 2016 tour footage. “I was unwell and unable to continue. To survive, I had to cancel what I needed to cancel.”
She also stated that it was “shocked and upsetting” to view past videos of herself criticizing her physical looks.
“I cannot believe that I was that woman. This saddens my heart. I’m thankful to be on the other side, but when I viewed, for instance, the first segment of the film in which I address my body, I was very disgusted with myself “She stated,
Gomez said, “I couldn’t believe the things I aspired to achieve.” “Which are practically impossible unless you have a large sum of money and are ready to spend it on yourself. It shattered my heart terribly. This is not the impression I wish to convey to anyone. I’m hoping not.”